Baggas’ Blog

Occaisionally when surfing channels I’ll wind up on the Comedy Channel watching shows like the Colbert Report. He has some interesting guests but an annoying tendency to continually interrupt them in order to get his jokes in. Anyway, here’s an interview he does with my favourite Bishop, N T Wright, about his latest (excellent) book Suprised by Hope. Good interview, funny in places, annoying in others, but in general Tom holds his own and gets his point across (sort of). Take a look…

Much has been made in recent years of people filling out their religion on census forms as ‘Jedi’

Well here’s what you’ve been waiting for - a documentary examining the inside workings of a Jedi church. They seem like Calvinist Jedis though, “I wish I could tell everyone they can be saved but they can’t. If you don’t have the midichlorians God doesn’t want you - it’s that simple.”

Worth a chuckle - I especially like the bit where Darth Maul goes forward for the altar call

I walked into the study this morning to find our two boys Owen and Luke sitting at the computer laughing their heads off. The video below, which they had discovered themselves on YouTube, was the reason. See what you think…

Came across a video similar to this one on cnn.com today and thought I’d go on The Google and see if I could find a YouTube version to post for y’all. This is not exactly the same but it’s essentially the same basic story - classic Bushims! Ain’t the internets a wonderful thing!

Wonder if you can guess what important lesson this children’s book is teaching kids? If you want to find out, the whole book is scanned in at Gizmodo for your enjoyment - click here…  (rated G)

This video is of a stand-up comedian called “Pablo” who performed at the concert we went to in Kampala, Uganda, in October. I think it’s the sort of thing that’s more funny for locals or at the least visitors to Uganda, but take a look and see what you think. In this clip he’s discussing the genesis of various styles of music…

I thought this was pretty funny. Found it on MadStratter’s blog…

1. Most blues begin “woke up this morning.”2. “I got a good woman” is a bad way to begin the blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line. I got a good woman - with the meanest dog in town.

3. Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes. Sort of. Got a good woman with the meanest dog in town. He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and he weighs about 500 pounds.

4. The blues are not about limitless choice.

5. Blues cars are Chevies and Cadillacs. Other acceptable blues transportation is Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Walkin’ plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin’ to die.

6. Teenagers can’t sing the blues. Adults sing the blues. Blues adulthood means old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

7. You can have the blues in New York City, but not in Brooklyn or Queens. Hard times in Vermont or North Dakota are just depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the blues.

8. You can’t have the blues in an office or a shopping mall; the lighting is all wrong.

9. The following colors do not belong in the blues:
a. violet
b. beige
c. mauve

10. Good places for the Blues:
a. the highway
b. the jailhouse
c. the empty bed

11.Bad places for the Blues:
a. Ashrams
b. Gallery openings
c. weekend in the Hamptons

12. Do you have the right to sing the blues?

Yes, if:
a. your first name is a southern state-like Georgia
b. you’re blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis.
d. you can’t be satisfied.

No, if:
a. you were once blind but now can see.
b. you’re deaf
c. you have a trust fund.

13. No one will believe it’s the blues if you wear a suit, unless you happen to be an old black man.

14. Neither Julio Iglesias nor Barbra Streisand can sing the blues.

15. If you ask for water and baby gives you gasoline, it’s the blues. Other blues beverages are:
a. wine
b. whiskey
c. muddy water

16.Blues beverages are NOT:
a. Any mixed drink
b. Any wine kosher for Passover
c. YooHoo

17. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it’s blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is a blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, or being denied treatment in an emergency room. It is not a blues death if you die during a liposuction treatment.

18. Some Blues names for Women
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie

19. Some Blues Names for Men
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Lightning

20a. Persons with names like Sierra or Sequoia will not be permitted to sing the blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

20b. Other Blues Names (Starter Kit)
a. Name of Physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Asthmatic)
b. First name (see above) or name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi)
c. Last Name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
Mix and Match

Yet another joke sent to me by Shelley, who is proving to be a good source of blog material I’m not much of a pet person, but I still had a bit of a chuckle…

“Excerpts from a Dog’s Diary”

8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!

“Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary”

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow but, at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now…

Work continues to be busy today, and probably will be for some time, so in lieu of a proper post, here’s a joke that just hit my inbox :

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the
milk away…

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of
credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a
debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all
four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a
Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who
sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on
one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving
you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

THE ARTHUR ANDERSEN MODEL
You have two cows.
You shred them.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want
three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market
it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and
milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy….

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

It’s scary that a massive, computerised organisation like QANTAS can get two people completely mixed up, purely because they have the same name - check out Mark’s amusing story of his recent dealings with QANTAS.

You can think and say what you like about President George W Bush, but you have to admit the guy has a sense of humour (or at least his speech writers do!). Check out this entertaining speech from the Radio & TV correspondents dinner in which he pokes fun at himself, his opponents, and especially Dick Cheney. Can’t wait for the Dubya gets his Groove Back pop-up book

If you’re not from Australia (especially Western Australia), you probably won’t get this cartoon from today’s Weekend Australian newspaper, but I thought it was one of the most incisive I’ve seen in a while, considering how toxic former WA premier Brian Burke is at the moment. The biggest question about this scandal is whether it will ultimately force a state election, but the sad thing about that is that even if an election were held, the Labor government would very possibly still win, considering how inept our state Liberal opposition are. Anyway, it makes for interesting news, if nothing else.

(I don’t think it comes through clearly on the image, but the prisoner in orange is David Hicks…)

It’s all about me [Hismethod]

I’ll refrain from posting another YouTube video today, but I can still link to someone else who has posted one. Bruce Chant has a funny clip on his blog which is an “advertisement” for a new worship CD “It’s All About Me.” For anyone who was around churches in the 80s (and perhaps some churches today?) you’ll find a lot of the songs familiar, though with a twist. It’s humour, but there’s a message underneath for those who have ears to hear…

Work has been fairly quiet today, which is a good thing because I’ve had a number of different distractions…

Here’s one of them - a funny clip I discovered on YouTube. If you like the TV show Heroes you might appreciate this.

Two guys are drinking in a bar. One guy goes, “I haven’t seen you around here before”. The other guy goes, “Yeah. I’m new in town. Just moved here.”

Guy1 :”Oh yeah? What do you do?”

Guy 2:”I’m a logician”

Guy 1:”Logician? What’s that then?”

Guy 2:”Well, I take what someone says and, based on that, make a conclusion”

Guy 1:”What do you mean?”

Guy 2:”Let me give you an example. Do you have an aquarium?”

Guy 1:”Yes, as a matter of fact I do”

Guy 2:”So, you like fish huh?”

Guy 1:”Love ‘em. I could sit and watch fish all day”

Guy 2:”So, you like fishing?”

Guy 1:”Yes, I love fishing. Gives me a chance to sit back, reflect and relax”

Guy 2:”So, you go on fishing trips?”

Guy 1:”Yeh, I do. I just took my wife and kid down south last weekend for a fishing trip”

Guy 2:”Ah. So you are a heterosexual”

Guy 1:”Wow! That’s incredible! How did you know?”

They go on chatting like this for a while and then Guy 2 leaves. Guy 1 stays drinking at the bar and one of his mates walks in.

Guy 1:”Hey man, guess what? I was just talking to this new guy in town. He’s a logician.”

“Oh yeh? What’s that then?”

Guy 1:”Let me give you an example. Do you have an aquarium?”

“Nah man”

Guy 1:”Well, you are gay”.

[don’t know if you found that funny but it appealed to my warped sense of humour - I lifted it from Ben’s blog Hello Internet so go harrass him if you didn’t like it…]

I’m going to try and resist the urge not to fill my blog with too many of these YouTube videos, but this clip of Rowan Atkinson is just too funny [via Phil Baker.net] Thus far I have held back from exploring YouTube too much, as I imagine you could waste a lot of hours there. Anyway, here begins the sermon…

[youtube]fTzXJMU1sLc&eurl[/youtube]

I don’t post a lot of jokes here but this one just hit my inbox and I thought it wasn’t bad so enjoy :

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering.

Finally God said, “Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job.”

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy reports. They made cards. They did every known job. But ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the electricity went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally flickered back on and each of them restarted their computers.

Satan started searching frantically, screaming “It’s gone! It’s all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!”

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours. Satan observed this and became irate.

“Wait! He cheated, how did he do it?”

God shrugged and said, “Jesus saves.”

You Might Be Emerging If… - purgatorio

Purgatorio’s pictorial satire of the emerging church is good for a laugh. Rate yourself according to his pictures and see how “emerging” you are. I did fairly well on some of the categories such as books (I have them all but one), countries, iPod, U2, and knowing who most of the “first names” are. But I’m not single, don’t drive a Combi, don’t have a tattoo, and I definitely don’t enjoy Guiness so I guess my emergent cred is in doubt… see how you compare…

Very funny picture over at CraigS’ blog. I won’t post it up here so you can go to his site and check it out, but let’s just say if you’re a fundamentalist who also happens to enjoy some of John Travolta’s classic work from the 70s, then this might be right up your alley…
These Infinite Spaces: ROFL!

EDIT : since posting that I’ve been browsing a well written yet scathing Blog series on the Left Behind novels by slacktivist. His is an excellent blog that I will be watching from here on. I’ve only read a few of his posts thus far but here’s one line that made me laugh out loud (the tone kinda reminds me a little of Donald Miller) :

(My buddy Dwight wants to get end zone tickets to a Monday Night game some day and wave a sign that reads, “Ezek. 23:20.”)

Think of those clowns who hold up “John 3:16″ signs at sporting events, then go look up Ezekiel 23:20 (NIV), and you’ll get the joke. I can remember being seriously shocked when reading that passage as a good Baptist teenager.

A Bible for Our Times - purgatorio

As I’ve said before I don’t personally have a problem with Eugene Peterson’s The Message Bible paraphrase. However I did find this version from the eternally humorous Purgatorio pretty funny, as I’m sure will those who are less keen on The Message - check it out.

By jove… it explains everything… right here!

Just spotted this great comic at Matt Harmless’ blog

Like all good jokes, it’s funny because it hits so close to home…

I don’t know about anyone else, but this photo on the front page of today’s paper gave me a bit of a chuckle…

It seems that President Bush is in Pakistan, and decided to try his hand against the Pakistani national cricket team. He got hit on the shoulder by a bouncer from Inzamam-ul-Haq, though later actually did manage to get bat on ball at least once. Check out the SMH Photo gallery for more shots from Bush’s cricket clinic. The ones of him bowling are particularly amusing

Anyone find themselves irritated by those motivational posters you sometimes see in corporate offices and other places, praising the virtues of teamwork, persistence, creativity etc? If so, then I may have found the site for you. A friend send me an email with a bunch of “de-motivator” posters, which look the same, but have a quite different sort of message…

These posters came be found at despair.com, a company who are devoted to lowering people’s expectations…

AT DESPAIR, INC., we believe motivational products create unrealistic expectations, raising hopes only to dash them. That’s why we created our soul-crushingly depressing Demotivators designs, so you can skip the delusions that motivational products induce and head straight for the disappointments that follow!

Read the rest of this entry »

Below is an image I found quite humorous, but it’s the sort of think you’d probably get only if you are familiar with both author Brian McLaren and the Veggie Tales TV show. If so, then click the link below, if not then please ignore this post…
Read the rest of this entry »

I’m in the market for a new computer at the moment and hence have been browsing different components. One of the coolest things now is the availability of really flash looking computer cases, with innovative lines, transparent panels, coloured lights, and functionally practical designs to boot.

Not sure if this one is particularly functional but I guess if you like the idea of having a little furry rodent running around in your PC then it might appeal…

Habicase - A Paradise For Your Furry Friends!

Hamsters, gerbils and mice are our furry domesticated friends. They make great pets, but sometimes get neglected when you’re busy playing all-night quake-fragfests and spending all-day reading other people’s blogs.

Now your small rodent(s) can always be by your side when using the computer! The PC HabiCase allows your gerbil, hamster or mouse to live INSIDE your computer. Ample room is provided for climbing, or your pet can hang out in one of the two “play pods” located at the front and top of the case. Heat from your CPU ensures your rodent will be warm and comfortable in a climate controlled environment.

The PC HabiCase features anodized aluminum construction with a side window port to more easily monitor your pet. The quiet low-speed 120mm fan allows your rodent to live comfortably without fear of hearing damage.

Endorsed by PETA as an ethical way to reintegrate your pets back into your hearts after the birth of the Internet.

For some more examples of interesting computer case design see this page. This is another very cool custom built case that I discovered on the net. You can read the epic saga of it’s construction here.

Never thought I’d be able to combine the categories iPod, Medical, and Humour in the one post but here you go. This is from one of the medical magazines I get from a few weeks back…

Looks like I missed out on International Talk Like a Pirate Day for this year. It’s on September 19, but with little things like exams and a wedding anniversary it clean slipped my mind. Anyway, since that swimming Kangaroo seemed so popular (although one of my colleagues was concerned that the Roo might be depressed and trying to end it all), here’s another photo, courtesy of my dad. It’s a Pirate’s keyboard… Arrrrr!

I’ve always found these kind of lists of crazy things you find in the statutes of law to be pretty funny. I wonder how many people actually obey these laws in their various states, and more importantly, how many people ever get charged or convicted of these heinous crimes? Obviously most of these examples come from the crazy ole USA but there’s plenty from around the rest of the world also, including Australia…

In Utah

• It is illegal not to drink milk.
• Throwing snowballs will result in a $50 fine.
• No one may have sex in the back of an ambulance if it is responding to an emergency call.

In Vermont

• Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.

In Texas

• It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
• San Antonio: It is illegal for both sexes to flirt or respond to flirtation using the eyes and/or hands.
• Galveston: It is illegal to drive a motor car down Broadway before noon on Sundays.
• El Paso: Churches, hotels, halls of assembly, stores, markets, banking rooms, railroad depots, and saloons are required to provide spittoons “of a kind and number to efficiently contain expectorations into them.”

In Oregon

• Ministers are forbidden from eating garlic or onions before delivering a sermon.
• Dishes must drip dry.
• One may not bathe without wearing “suitable clothing,” i.e., that which covers one’s body from neck to knee.
• It’s against the law for a wedding ceremony to be performed at a skating rink.
• No more than two people may share a single drink.

In Oklahoma

• Tissues are not to be found in the back of one’s car.
• Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state.
• It is illegal to wear your boots to bed.
• People who make “ugly faces” at dogs may be fined and/or jailed.
• Fish may not be contained in fishbowls while on a public bus.

In Ohio

• It is illegal to get a fish drunk.
• Breast feeding is not allowed in public.
• It is illegal for more than five women to live in a house.
• It is against the law to roller skate without notifying the police.

In New York

• A person may not walk around on Sundays with an ice cream cone in his/her pocket.
• It is against the law to throw a ball at someone’s head for fun.
• A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking “at a woman in that way.” A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a “pair of horse-blinders” wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.
• Slippers are not to be worn after 10:00 P.M.

In Minnesota

• Hamburgers may not be eaten on Sundays.
• All men driving motorcycles must wear shirts.
• It is illegal to sleep naked.
• A woman isn’t allowed to cut her own hair without her husband’s permission.

In Australia

• Only licensed electricians may change a light bulb. The fine for not abiding by this law is 10 pounds. (Victoria)
• It is illegal to wear hot pink pants after midday Sunday. (Victoria)
• Your modem can’t pick up on the first ring. If it does the ACA permit for your modem is invalid and there’s a $12000 fine.
• It is technically illegal to copy music from CDs you own onto your MP3 player or iPod…

So watch out, all you law breakers out there!
For many more examples of these kind of stupid archaic laws check out CrazyLaws.com and The Dumb Network.

One thing that has often bugged me a little is when I hear people talk about an “ATM machine”, which if you think about it a little, is kinda stupid because if you expand the acronym then what you are actually saying is “automatic teller machine machine.” Another example that I must confess even I am guilty of using is the phrase “PIN number” Today I’ve realised that there is a name for this kind of thing - R.A.S syndrome - the Redundant Acronym Syndrome syndrome (also known as RAP phrases = Redundant Acronym Phrases phrases)

This is a syndrome that plagues our society, with hundreds of examples in everyday use :

• PIN number
• ATM machine
• KFC chicken
• HIV virus
• NIV version
• NLT translation
• LAN network
• RAM memory
• VHF frequency
• EBV virus
• LPG gas
• DVD disc
• SAM missile
• GST tax

plus many more…

For more information about this serious problem, see the Wikepedia article. It’s the sort of thing that, once you become aware of it, you’ll start to notice the symptoms more and more. So be on your guard, and if you come up with any other good example please let us know. Anyway I’ve got some more work to do in my GP practice so I’ll leave it in your hands for now.

Saw this on Phil’s blog today, but it’s so clever I couldn’t resist posting it on here myself…

Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior.You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we’re apart. I can be forever happy–will you let me be yours?

Gloria

Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior.You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we’re apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be?

Yours, Gloria

It’s good to see the humour in all sorts of negative things, even spam … [via]

• If the e-mail comes from a guy named Midshipman L. Returnable or Polytheist H. Communicators, it’s probably spam.
• If you’ve won anything, it’s probably spam.
• Unless it comes from your sweetie, any e-mail that begins “Hi Sweetie” is probably spam.
• If it involves any account anywhere, it’s probably spam.
• If the English in the e-mail appears to have been written by a monkey with a typewriter, it’s probably spam.
• If the e-mail is dated three months ago, it’s probably spam.
• Only plastic surgery will make your Johnson bigger. It’s probably spam.
• If anybody identifies themselves as “Barrister” in an e-mail, it’s probably spam.
• Buy your drugs at the drug store. It’s probably spam.

Read the rest of this entry »

Store Wars | Join the Organic Rebellion - this site is pretty funny. I haven’t watched the whole thing through yet but it looks pretty good - kinda like Star Wars meets Veggie Tales. [via Stevey]

Discovered this over at Phil’s blog this morning. It’s an early advertising campaign for one of the first iPod models - take a look. That’s classic!

Saw this on Phil’s Blog today. From the Fender discussion forum, little quirky habits that these guitarists feel compelled to do :

* I MUST play, before taking a guitar off my shoulders, off a stand, or putting into a case, an open A chord.
* I pat my own butt about 100 times a day to make sure my wallet is still there.
* I have to put my right shoe on first. Every time.
* I can’t stand even so much as a speck of dust in the bed…it will drive me crazy all night.
* Shirts on hanger are hung right sleeve first.
* The small comb in my back right pocket must have the teeth facing left.
* Always an open E chord before I put the guitar down.

There’s many more on there as well. I’m sure I do a bunch of these little compulsions too but can’t think of any off hand (I bet my wife could suggest a few) - Guitar related, I always do the open E for some reason, rather than the open A - probably because E uses all 6 strings.

Just got this email from a mate, which I thought was pretty funny. Warning : non-Australians may not be quite so amused so read on at your own risk…
Read the rest of this entry »

Here’s yet another humorous health related email, courtesy of my dad :

The Facts:
Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it…don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain…Good

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO …… Cocoa beans … another vegetable!!!
It’s the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ‘Round’ is a shape!

Disclaimer :
as a doctor I in no way endorse the above advice. In fact, if you follow it I will expect to be seeing a lot more of you in years to come, so I can prescribe you medication to treat your blood pressure, heart disease, and cholesterol. Now go and enjoy some beef!

These are pretty funny. Apparently these were actually written in real patients’ hospital records. And I’ve certainly seen some things almost as strange as this. If you don’t think this is funny, blame my dad, who forwarded them to me… (thanks Dad!)

1. The patient refused autopsy.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she
was very hot in bed last night.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a
year.

6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it
disappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears
to be depressed.

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but
forgetful.
Read the rest of this entry »

Just saw this interesting story about a hoax email which circulated purporting that someone had made a replica of the Simpson’s house in a Melbourne suburb. This resulted in thousands of phone calls to the council offices from fans trying to find it, and people spending hours driving around the suburb looking for it, including many driving down Evergreen Drive. My guess is that the prankster must have been a resident of the suburb, and he or she would have got a lot of fun out of watching the stream of cars slowly cruising around, nerdy cartoon fans peering out their car windows.

I’m back at work today after a long weekend and it’s predictably looking a bit hectic. No major dramas thus far though - lots of easy little things. Plus one of my patients turned out to be a girl who I worked with as a youth leader a few years back. Makes me feel old to see people growing up like that.

Great article in the SMH today entitled Politics schmolitcs, which provides a bit of light relief from the election campaign by highlighting a few humorous political websites from around the globe. The cliche site, though American, is quite good.

And for some more specifically Australian political laughs, check out the Advanced Hair website, where you can try a variety of hairstyles on John Howard and Mark Latham… yeah yeah.